It's all or nothin' day

Fantastrophe

2008-10-05T23:33:07-07:00

Many thanks to Jan Schjetne for supplying the beautiful photography for this piece.

test

2008-10-05T23:15:14-07:00

The most inspirational quote I've ever heard.

2008-09-29T21:30:31-07:00

You'd be doing yourself a service to remember this.

Photoshop...next?

2008-09-20T19:19:31-07:00

Get ready to be blown away, the next incarnation of Photoshop has some real nice features in the works.

I'll take my time.

2008-09-10T05:34:28-07:00

Suddenly you wake up, and you're sitting in a classroom, in your elementary school. You're sitting at your desk and it's 1992. Wearing your stupid looking kid clothes you look around you and see all your old classmates, the first ones. Not the ones from college or university, not even the ones from high school. You see the decorations on the walls and the chalkboard filled with math questions. There are hand made posters on the wall, and kids outside on the field playing in gym class. And for all your senses you cannot shake yourself to wake from this. And then you realize that this is all real. You're really here, years before. The things you knew in 2008 you feel are slowly fading away, like images from a fleeting dream. Your childlike thoughts are returning to you, and your concentration switches to the trivial things of childhood. The confusion of where you are and what exactly just happened is quickly draining from your mind, the panic of how impossible this all seems, subsiding as you settle in to the realization that you are here, you are a kid. And you are caring less and less about how you got here. You feel someone is standing in front of your desk. As you look up, and your final adult memories, sickness, thoughts, mistakes, accomplishments, failures, addictions, experiences, knowledge, and worries fade away. Your teacher looks down on you as if you'd just been asleep at your desk, and for all you know, you have been. She looks into your young eyes and you try one last time to remember the intense journey that honestly felt like years of your life, the things that you did, the people you knew, everything about every decision you made every single day until this strange, but real moment. In a stern voice she says "Wake up! That's what happens when you don't pay attention".

Sultan 8840

2008-09-03T01:12:19-07:00

Ok. For serious...

2008-08-24T21:58:34-07:00

Billboards are everywhere, everyone has seen a movie poster before, clearly these things exist, which means that they had to be created by someone. Someone was responsible for airbrushing Nicolas Cage's face for the 'Next' poster, someone doctors up those images of Arby's sandwiches before they are slapped up beside the freeway for everyone to see. Large documents are not uncommon. So it should be safe to say that there is some information out there on how to work with images of this size. The last few personal prints I've been building have been set up for A1 size paper, I set the document to 300ppi and away I went. After an hour of working on the piece, saving is taking upwards of ten minutes. And I'm not using a slow computer. I did start saving the files as .psb format because, yes, they are over 2G. However, this save time is really starting to get to me. Not to mention any time I want to move an element on the page, or resize an image.

I didn't think that 300ppi was too ambitious for this size of image, and I'd rather not change it as I'd like to keep the quality up.

If anyone has any insight on how to more efficiently work with rediculously large documents, feedback would be appreciated. I can't imagine that someone working on billboard ads simply puts up with snail paced development.

Put the 'Twit' in Twitter.

2008-08-17T14:04:34-07:00

I don't know what the big deal is with Twitter. I understand that there is a 140 word limit to your posts, and that users are able to follow other users posts. I also understand that it is meant for people to post small updates on the things they are doing throughout the day. Now, I'm sorry, but the last thing that I need is the obligation to let everyone know when I'm working on a project, when I'm watching Dexter, and when I'm doing anything else throughout my 'relatively-boring-for-anyone-other-than-myself' day.

Usually I consider myself an early adopter with these kinds of things, but this one seems a little over the top for me. I was even a little sketched out about the whole facebook thing until I realized that it was a really great tool to keep you in touch with everyone. Which was followed immediately by graduation from university, and a massive decrease in the amount of interest/time available for reading about peoples current 'moods'. I just don't know how much personal information I want to publish anymore. My blog posts have become increasingly infrequent, and it's not because of my busy schedule, it's because I don't think people need or really want to know what I think. Usually I don't care what many peole think unless it interests me professionally.

There is just so much information floating around today, it's really overwhelming, how much of it is really necessary? As I mentioned in my previous post, I spend a lot of time online researching designers, applications, and social network developments. I read several designers web journals, and frequent many creative tutorial and portfolio sites. These things interest me, and they keep me up to date with what my favourite creative people are doing. Del.icio.us can keep me busy for hours, following links, and learning about whatever is out there. But it gets to a point where it's just too much.

Recently Go Media announced that they are going to start answering design questions (save of course the ever prominent "what's the easiest way to make something look really good, with minimal effort and or talent?") on Twitter. Aside from this, I really am having a hard time figuring out what Twitter does for people that makes it so popular. Unless it can put me in touch with creative professionals worldwide, I don't know if it's worth my time. And even if I'm in touch with these people, I would like to have a two sided, intellectual conversation with them, not just let them know that I'm heating up a bagel.

star dot star

2008-07-26T17:14:33-07:00

Lately I've come to realize that I am more than a little bit addicted to the internet. I find that much of my time is dedicated to following links from delicious and other hub sites researching news, blogs, and lately, anything to do with productivity. Yes I realize the irony of wasting time researching productivity, but more often than not I find something that makes getting work done a lot easier. This morning however, I made a find that I really feel compelled to share. Check it out here. It's an absolute genius of a solution. Simple and effective.

Another newly found addiction has sprouted from the abundance of open source software I've been finding. Being fed up with shit like the incessant ads all over my messenger program, and endless bugs in audio software, I've actually managed to replace some of my main programs, with open source alternatives. A few of them include:
Open Office.org
Musikcube
Rocket Dock

The updates to this journal have been few and far between. Lately I've been questioning the worth of anything that is mentioned here. A friend told me that a web journal is really more for the author than it is for public consumption. But if it's just for my own entertainment, I can probably just keep all this prose in my own head. Most of the journals that I keep up to date with offer some sort of educational benefit, which makes a lot of sense. I think that people enjoy reading about things that are going to improve them.

Lately my activities have included work and more work. Since school stopped, I haven't stopped creating. I've been having a hard time drawing the line between enough work, and enough play. Lately I've been finding it easier, and more satisfying to stay at home and work instead of going out and being social. My roommate is moving, which means that I get an office, and therefore, the opportunity to concentrate on more work. Soon I'll start posting this stuff, and actually get together a proper collection of pieces.

Tomorrow I'll be...

2008-04-22T21:58:32-07:00

What a crazy world we live in. Nobody ever knows what is going to happen next, and we all spend so much time trying to secure the future when we don't even know that we're going to be around for tomorrow. Going to school, saving money, staying healthy, planning for tomorrow, that might not matter when it gets here. There are so many uncertainties, and so many things that are unknown, yet, people thrive. When you're a kid, you feel so secure in your parents house, knowing that they are going to take care of you no matter what happens. You'll be alright. But then you grow up and it's realized that, things are only alright if you make them alright. There's nobody there to protect you anymore, and you realize how uncertain, and always changing the world actually is. You think back to your childhood, and realize that your father was just another person, trying to make his world alright. You happened to be a big part of that world, so naturally, he made sure that you were alright. And that's how it goes. Nobody really knows what tomorrow will bring. But we do our best, and the world continues on it's course.

I see people around me, and I'm still relatively young, so I see people who are older than me. People I consider more 'adult' than myself. And they seem as though they don't even worry about uncertainty in life. Things like whether or not they'll survive until tomorrow, or whether or not they'll have a job. Perhaps they are aware of these uncertainties, but they simply choose not to worry about them constantly (probably a wise decision). I wonder how another individual, in the same position as myself, being just as unsure about tomorrow as everyone else, is able to find such a peace about these things. How these people can go through life seeming like they never give it a thought. These people just seem, indifferent to all of it. "If something happens that is unexpected, well I'll just deal with it when the time comes." I'm amazed at the people I meet who have far more responsibilities than myself, be it a mortgage, a spouse and kids, or just high expectations to live up to, who can simply deal with problems when they come, and not put a constant, fervent effort into planning for the future.

Although I've been told time and time again that I'm someone who IS that way, someone who will continue to grow, no matter what the circumstances, I really don't feel like I am. More often than not I feel like I'm scrambling to the next base, and just barely making it there.

With all the things that could happen, and all the security that gives life comfort, it is easy to want to put as much of the worry in the back of your mind as possible, Take for example a job situation. Many people feel there's a certain sense of security working a specific job. Even if that job lacks excitement and the challenge of constant change, they know that a job will be there tomorrow. I'm talking about working at any entry-level, brainless job (and there are lots of them out there). Then take someone who is self employed. Making their money by doing just that, making it. Going out, getting the jobs, and completing them. There may be times when there is less work, and times when there is more work, but somehow they manage to survive, keeping their family alive, keeping bills paid, the house standing, and warm, while remaining happy, and for the most part, stress- free.

It just seems like it's a lot of financial weight to put on a job that isn't necessarily 'steady', a job that is a lot less 'guaranteed' to be there. I mean I'm sure your local department store isn't going to fire you if you show up every day, and continue to do the same mundane shelf stocking you've always done. There's your guaranteed paycheck, so long as you come to work. However, running your own business takes more than just showing up. A lot more, and if you don't do it properly, well it's you and your family who are hungry.

People that do this amaze me. And I don't know if I have to be forced into that situation to overcome a fear of failing, or if I just have to one day, say that I'm going to do it, because I know that I'll be okay.

Maybe that's the key, the point might not be that I feel like I'm constantly scrambling, Not that I'm barely making it, the point might be that whether by an inch, or by a mile, I'm still making it.

And this is what I'm left with.

2008-02-17T17:31:22-07:00

I see myself never slowing down, moving as quickly as I can. I constantly feel like I have no time, nothing can happen quickly enough, the things I learn, the things I accomplish, it all seems to be happening so slowly. I am always conscious of time passing, and the speed with which it does so. The other day, I was having a talk with Liz and she mentioned something about what we will be doing five years from now. The question reminded me again at how quickly my life is tearing by. I thought of five years from now, and everything that I want to have accomplished by then (and there are a lot of them) and it all seems impossible. From where I am right now, a lot of these things seem like insurmountable challenges, and the clock is ticking.

In the past, what I've realized about these situations, is that once you're doing what it is that you were so apprehensive about, it becomes clear that the situation wasn't as uncontrollable as you'd first thought.

One thing that put all this into perspective was taking a look at people around me, and their situations. People often tell me that I have a good head on my shoulders, and that I'm going to go far in whatever I do. (whether or not their opinion id valid is beside the point) But I look around at other people I know, and I see few people who are concerned about any of these things. I don't see any amount of concern for the future. Most people I deal with daily seem to only be concerned with today, and tomorrow. This provided me with some comfort about my situation, but then again, you need to realize who you're comparing yourself to. It's not hard to measure yourself against something small, making you look like everything is great. I find it more beneficial to measure myself against giants. Perhaps this is why I always have more to do than I feel is physically possible.

Heavy lies the crown

2008-01-09T11:01:02-07:00

I wonder how things happen. Things that I have absolutely nothing to do with, things that I would like to have something to do with in the future. How do the people meet, how do the phone calls play out? what emails are sent? What exactly happens? I've always thought that the ultimate success would be to speak at the OFFF conference. For years, since I first heard of the event, I thought that it was just such a great idea. People getting together all around this topic of design. I'd look at the roster of people speaking, some designers I knew of, some I didn't, but I always really looked up to the participants, and to the event itself. It always inspired me. Now I find myself wondering about how it all comes together, How does someone actually end up speaking? What do the emails say? How do the phonecalls sound? And If I still do want to be there one day, what steps need to be taken.

In the more realistic light of my ever-growing experience however, I've begun to realize how much work it takes to put together an event like that. How many people are involved, and what the whole thing is actually made of. I look less at the glamour on the front end, and more at the organization, and planning of the back end. Even with things like videos I've seen, and amazing flash projects (lets not forget everyones old favorite, evilpupil) I still find it amazing, seeing the finished product, but I can't see that anymore without thinking about the shooting, re-shooting, cutting, editing, reviewing, coding, sketching, designing, printing, proof-reading, the list goes on. Because my outlook is more informed, and a lot more realistic than it was five years ago, the conference is still a goal, but it's less of a glamorous one, it's more of a challenge. Now I realize that these people who I have heard of, speaking at these gatherings, really had a lot of work to do before they got there. Not only did they need to become a great designer, but they needed to hone their skills as a public speaker, they needed to actually have something to share with the audience, they had to arrange the time, and the length of their presentation, develop the reels, set everything up, run the programs, pack the bags, and buy the plane ticket. It's less about being a 'star graphic designer' and more about being able to get all of the work done.

I believe that once I figure out all the steps needed to get to that final product, like most things I learn, I'll look back and say 'well yeah, that was obvious'. Right now, from where I'm standing I really have no clue, but I guess you don't know what you don't know.

I don't read your blog. Ever.

2007-12-09T16:53:40-07:00

So I get an email the other day letting me know that theres a poster contest for a local car show. Usually there aren't many entries to these types of things, plus the prize is 250 bucks, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Although I had a load of schoolwork and a logo design underway for a friend, I figured i could make a few hours to spend on an entry. Long story short, I get an email on Friday telling me I've won. Effing yes. I start thinking about all the music I'm gonna blow my prize money on. It wasn't till the next day that I realized that there was something far more important to me that deserved my immediate fiscal attention (did you like that one?). I decided to purchase some software instead of blowing my cash on albums. I've come to realize that it's usually a better idea to spend money on things that can be used creatively rather than 'stuff'.

I spent around three hours the other day organizing my del.icio.us account, I've got to say, that system has a bit of a learning curve to it. Going through all those links, I stumbled upon some interesting stuff that I had forgot about. One of these thing being the Daft Punk film 'Electroma'. If you're in the mood for a long, sprawling, artsy film with absolutely no dialog, and scenes that trail on like a Kubrick film, give it a watch. I'll admit that partway through it I started working on a project, out of boredom. But I kept the movie runnign on the side, and I watched it all the way through. Definitely a cool flick, it's surprising to see how many different emotions can be evoked without the use of words. Scenes, colors, situations and score tell the whole story, and they do a fantastic job. (by the way, speaking of Kubrick, I watched Dr.Strangelove the other day, what the hell was that all about? Realistically though, it wouldn't be a true Kubrick film if I didn't get to the end and go "umm, what?". I mean maybe I'm missing something important here, If theres some information I've overlooked which causes me to misunderstand these films, please, let me know.)

Last night I went to the theatre to watch No Country for Old Men with Charles. It looks like the Coen brothers have done it again, the show has a great story line, and the characters were very well cast. Plus it has one of the coolest villains I've seen in a long time.

This week has been dedicated to finishing my final project for the semester. I find it interesting that although all my other friends are in courses where 5000 word essays are an everyday occurrence, and exams are about as traumatizing as a car crash, I'm the last one to finish before Christmas break. I had originally planned to spend my time off working on illustrations, but I don't know how much time I'll have for that seeing as I'm going to to be working full time again. Alas I need to earn the extra cash in order to fund this holiday debauchery that has replaced Christmas.

Ziploc

2007-11-09T04:07:01-07:00

New ideas happen every day. Great ideas that I didn't think of. There's so much creativity in the world. How do people manage to constantly create beautiful things and not get stale? Not to mention, how do people do these really impressive, wildly innovative, avant garde designs, while keeping up with crushing deadlines and clients that change constantly? Sometimes It's all I can do to get a product out the door on time, and make sure it's what the client needs, make sure that it works for them. Never mind create something totally new and cutting edge. I wonder how people do it. Is it just practice? Being in business for a long time? Is it finding clients who are looking for something new and different? Clients who demand it of you, instead of just 'make it look like this one.'

I think it has a lot to do with designers making the best out of any given project. No matter what the problem is, the design solution can be interesting and fun. Really? Is this true? Or is it something that is often repeated, and never actually investigated? Lately I've been finding that there are really no bad projects. But there are sure a lot of them that aren't good. There is the odd one or two that are really fun. Like reallyfun. But for the most part, they're just average. Now people have told me that only bad designers say there are bad projects. Maybe only mediocre designers say there are mediocre projects.

I think that what I'm starting to realize is that design is more work than it seems. I mean I've seen all kinds of great stuff created throught the years by artists that inspire me. But that's just it, all you see is the finished product. The end. You don't see the client meetings, the software problems, the filming, the editing, the long nights, and the frustration that goes into these. You see the happy little finale. Which is fine.Nobody wants to see that middle stuff. That's not what design really is. (Not for the end-user anyway). But for us, that's really all it's about.

I once heard someone say "It's not about the glory, it's about the grind". I really think that this is true. And I always knew it, but I never really knew it. Now that I'm well on my way, I'm knowing it more every day, and I'm fine with it. But it just amazes me that throughout all the real world stuff that swirls around the design itself, some of us are able to create truly innovative, inspiring pieces, at the same time dealing with budgets, gantt charts, workflow, meetings, and syntax errors. I hope to arrive there one day, once i figure out the business side, I hope to be able to truly create freely within those necessary constraints.

This just wrecked me. I think it says it all.

2007-10-03T02:24:45-07:00

US Senator Robert F. Kennedy

On the Mindless Menace of Violence

City Club of Cleveland, Cleveland, Ohio
April 5, 1968

This is a time of shame and sorrow. It is not a day for politics. I have saved this one opportunity, my only event of today, to speak briefly to you about the mindless menace of violence in America which again stains our land and every one of our lives.

It is not the concern of any one race. The victims of the violence are black and white, rich and poor, young and old, famous and unknown. They are, most important of all, human beings whom other human beings loved and needed. No one - no matter where he lives or what he does - can be certain who will suffer from some senseless act of bloodshed. And yet it goes on and on and on in this country of ours.

Why? What has violence ever accomplished? What has it ever created? No martyr's cause has ever been stilled by an assassin's bullet.

No wrongs have ever been righted by riots and civil disorders. A sniper is only a coward, not a hero; and an uncontrolled, uncontrollable mob is only the voice of madness, not the voice of reason.

Whenever any American's life is taken by another American unnecessarily - whether it is done in the name of the law or in the defiance of the law, by one man or a gang, in cold blood or in passion, in an attack of violence or in response to violence - whenever we tear at the fabric of the life which another man has painfully and clumsily woven for himself and his children, the whole nation is degraded.

"Among free men," said Abraham Lincoln, "there can be no successful appeal from the ballot to the bullet; and those who take such appeal are sure to lose their cause and pay the costs."

Yet we seemingly tolerate a rising level of violence that ignores our common humanity and our claims to civilization alike. We calmly accept newspaper reports of civilian slaughter in far-off lands. We glorify killing on movie and television screens and call it entertainment. We make it easy for men of all shades of sanity to acquire whatever weapons and ammunition they desire.

Too often we honor swagger and bluster and wielders of force; too often we excuse those who are willing to build their own lives on the shattered dreams of others. Some Americans who preach non-violence abroad fail to practice it here at home. Some who accuse others of inciting riots have by their own conduct invited them.

Some look for scapegoats, others look for conspiracies, but this much is clear: violence breeds violence, repression brings retaliation, and only a cleansing of our whole society can remove this sickness from our soul.

For there is another kind of violence, slower but just as deadly destructive as the shot or the bomb in the night. This is the violence of institutions; indifference and inaction and slow decay. This is the violence that afflicts the poor, that poisons relations between men because their skin has different colors. This is the slow destruction of a child by hunger, and schools without books and homes without heat in the winter.

This is the breaking of a man's spirit by denying him the chance to stand as a father and as a man among other men. And this too afflicts us all.

I have not come here to propose a set of specific remedies nor is there a single set. For a broad and adequate outline we know what must be done. When you teach a man to hate and fear his brother, when you teach that he is a lesser man because of his color or his beliefs or the policies he pursues, when you teach that those who differ from you threaten your freedom or your job or your family, then you also learn to confront others not as fellow citizens but as enemies, to be met not with cooperation but with conquest; to be subjugated and mastered.

We learn, at the last, to look at our brothers as aliens, men with whom we share a city, but not a community; men bound to us in common dwelling, but not in common effort. We learn to share only a common fear, only a common desire to retreat from each other, only a common impulse to meet disagreement with force. For all this, there are no final answers.

Yet we know what we must do. It is to achieve true justice among our fellow citizens. The question is not what programs we should seek to enact. The question is whether we can find in our own midst and in our own hearts that leadership of humane purpose that will recognize the terrible truths of our existence.

We must admit the vanity of our false distinctions among men and learn to find our own advancement in the search for the advancement of others. We must admit in ourselves that our own children's future cannot be built on the misfortunes of others. We must recognize that this short life can neither be ennobled or enriched by hatred or revenge.

Our lives on this planet are too short and the work to be done too great to let this spirit flourish any longer in our land. Of course we cannot vanquish it with a program, nor with a resolution.

But we can perhaps remember, if only for a time, that those who live with us are our brothers, that they share with us the same short moment of life; that they seek, as do we, nothing but the chance to live out their lives in purpose and in happiness, winning what satisfaction and fulfillment they can.

Surely, this bond of common faith, this bond of common goal, can begin to teach us something. Surely, we can learn, at least, to look at those around us as fellow men, and surely we can begin to work a little harder to bind up the wounds among us and to become in our own hearts brothers and countrymen once again.

"It's crossfire, wild eyes. Crossfire."

2007-09-28T03:34:23-07:00

Turn down the music, the noise stopped. I'm pretty sure they're gone. It's alright, contiunue.

What is really necessary? What is needed to move forward in life? We're told that these things are important, We're told that these steps need to be taken. But in the end who's really right? Is a passion enough to allow you to succeed? I'd like to think so. Beyond some basic education sure, wait, no. In very few cases I'm sure even the obstacle of no education whatsoever is overcome. I sit here, at two in the morning, in a design lab, at a university, where I'm supposed to be putting together the pieces of a web page that will make up ten percent of my final grade. For a teacher who is currently taking like six courses of their own. Someone who is too busy to spend any time with students all week, save of course the few frantic hours on the day the assignment is due.

I attend classes learning the odd thing here and there. The last time I really learned something substantial was the typography course I took last year. Aside from that it's been a shortcut key here, a Photoshop trick there. Not to say that I know everything there is to know about graphic design. I'm far from that believe me. But the things I feel I need to know aren't being taught. The things I need to learn are taught at work, with real clients, real projects, and real situations. Not in a classroom that simply urges me to read a book, or take an online tutorial that I could just as easily do from my living room. Not to say that people haven't tried to teach me, and done a great job, some of the teachers are fantastic. But I really think that the material is missing what I need. Anything that school is going to give me I could learn myself from a book, and some practice. The real world experience is what I'm after right now. Instead of staying up till two in the morning doing hypothetical assignments, I should be at home studying of my own accord. God knows it's cheaper. I should be drawing, becoming the master illustrator I've always wanted to be. I should be learning actionscript, something there IS no school for (at least not in this town).

All this for what? A piece of paper that says I sat here, for all these hours, doing projects that I didn't really believe in? Paying money to teach myself when the instructor is nowhere to be seen? No thanks. A piece of paper that really anyone could earn if they're willing to sit through the classes and go through the motions? I want to create something I'm proud of. Something that I love. I want to feel like I've accomplished something real.

I think that real men and women get to the place they want to be by sheer will. If you don't know how to do something, and you need to overcome an obstacle, you just do what it takes, and move on. You dont do what other people tell you. Because nobody knows you. Nobody knows what you're like, or what you're capable of. Nobody but you. And if you want, if you need to get there, you will. Because if you want it as bad as you think, you'll achieve it, or you'll die trying. And that's worth something.

I was really fine for a while here. Going through the motions, attending the classes, doing my shit, paying my dues. But something just clicked inside my mind, and I realized that I have to make these decisions. I need to be foreward thinking. Am I going to look back on this course and say that I got something out of it? Or am I going to think that it was time I should have spent skething, studying on my own, or doing any kind of the self improvement activities I classify as 'leisure'. Im I learning? Or am I just doing what is expected of me? Attending school because it's what 'people do'.

I don't know if I'm going to drop any of these courses yet. I may just tap out of this decision, and go through the motions. Finish this thing off, there's only one year left. I do know that there's alot I have to learn. I do know that I'm not as good at alot of things as I want to be. But I really feel like these are things better learned through experience. I dont know. I'm at a crossroad here. As always it's such a hard decision to make when its your own. Other peoples problems seem so cut and dry. Because you're not in them. Right now, all school is doing for me is providing me the motivation to keep doing this, but the reason, why, is becoming less and less clear.

It's not a big thing.

2007-07-29T01:21:34-07:00

Sometime I feel like I'm not good at very many things. I go through these seasons where everything I create is lacking, or I'm not creating anything at all. When paired up against other people who really shine in certain areas, I can forget aboout the abilities that I do have, and focus more on the things that I cannot do, in the shadow of what others can. Sometimes. But tonight I realized that there's one other thing I know I'm really good at, even if its something that cannot be translated directly into a career or generate any revenue.
I will share this new found skill with you now.
Tonight Charles and I went on an adventure of sorts. We ventured downtown to Dennys to have some pie (apple pie, with cheddar cheese). Well, he did. I had water. Which, I've heard, has no fat in it. Once he was finished the pie, and 2/3rds through the coffee, he asked me if I wanted to go out to the Verse (a local all night truck stop restaurant) and try their pie. I agreed, being the crazy individual that I am. Before we left Denny's I saw a lady busily operating the "put in a dollar and operate this crane/claw thing to try and win a piece of garbage stuffed animal" machine. From time to time I see a scene like this that makes me cringe. Now I know that there's nothing wrong with these situations, but for some reason they make me feel kinda sick. They make me ask the question "why are there people around the world suffering and dying so that this person can enjoy freedoms such as vending machines, and stuffed animals". "Why do people have to starve somewhere else, so that right here, obesity can thrive"? Anyway This scene, prompted me to begin humming the tune to the song 'North American Scum' which Charles picked up immediately, and nodded. We hopped in the car, and started the drive up to the Verse. On the way, with the music playing (of course we were listening to 'sound of silver' at this point) I was paying close attention to the city lights and the atmosphere that was unfolding. I said that one of the greatest joys of life (as far as I am concerned) is music. I think Chuck mostly agreed. But I don't really know if he meant it as whole heartedly as I did. The stereo was just entering the climax of the song 'someone great' when I saw out the window, dark pine trees moving past the car. There was a rock face just beyond the freeway that was moving by. Streaking earthtone colors in the yellow glow of the freeway lights. Now in all this you're probably wondering what the hell I realized I'm good at. The car pulled to a brief stop at the top of the exit ramp, and I realized, that I'm really very good, at enjoying the small moments of life. I probably enjoy these weird little moments more than anyone I know. In fact I'm pretty sure that these moments usually just pass people by. I'm really good at having a good time in the middle of a totally normal situation. I can just get hit with a feeling of extreme happiness, and everything around me is in such great detail. It's very hard to explain what happens at these exact times. But it can't be captured by a photo, video recorder, audio sample or anything. It can't be captured by anything. I imagine there's a drug that makes you feel the same way for a little while. At the same time eating away at your brain, and not to mention it'll cost you alot more than it costs me. I'm really good at finding something beautiful in a normal flat, uneventful moment. I told you that it's not something tangible, but its those exact times that really make everything worth it.

Cut some paper, stick some stamps

2007-06-22T20:25:11-07:00

Friday is sushi day. Carlo forgot his iPod at the office, so we listened to S-club on the way to the restaurant. He needed to stop at Future Shop to pick up a friend. At which point I walked in and purchased the new Amy Winehouse album, so that I didnt have to listen to continue listening to the club on the remainder of the five minute drive.SOO much video editing. This week has been full of Adobe Premier, and Illustrator. We're putting together a dvd of a conference that was filmed in Vancouver last weekend. And at home, I'm working on a couple vectors. I've been meaning to get out to a friends house for a barbecue, but it's been moved down on my priority list. The supplies for the wedding photoshoot have been purchased. Two extra battery packs, and a 4G memory card. (and a new hdd, which is just a little something extra for me) So I'm good to go. Liz and I are gonna take a trip out to Kelowna to see the locations I'll be shooting at and figure out the layout of the town. Getting lost when you need to be somewhere is for losers.

I'm really not to excited about school this year. I'm starting to wonder how much I actually learn there. Some of these teachers courses amount to no more than 'buy this book' 'read this book'. I'm on the verge of not going, and just teaching myself the rest of this shit. If I didnt get accepted next year I really wouldn't be crushed. In fact it may be a push in the right direction. Who woulda thought that after a semester of CSS and flash training, I still wouldn't know how to put together a webpage. I have learned alot at work though. This new job is really a blessing.as much video I have to edit, its what I want to be doing. There isn't too much creative work, but we're taking a different direction pretty quick here. So hopefully that'll change.

The other day at work, I was reading a book on Actionscript. And in a moment of what I thought was divine revelation, I threw the book on Carlos desk and announced 'eff web'. I continued to tell him how I'll never understand actionscript, CSS or anything web. And how I'm going to concentrate on getting better at print instead of picking away at this mountain called 'coding' (which is beginning to look alot like my old nemesis mathematics) After that Brett suggested that I just might not have the aptitude for it. But I think (after another visit to the FWA) that I need to really give coding a good shot. There's too much shit that I say I ''just don't have the aptitude for' I'm sick of it. Besides, unless I can do a bit of everything, I'll never get a job in this town. A jack of all trades is master of none. But unfortunately, the guy who is REALLY REALLY good at doing just one thing, can't get a job.

I'm realizing how many other things are needed to be successful in life. One of which is a certain attitude to new endeavors. As much as I used to think that I was one up on all these people I knew, I'm starting to see that there's more to a 'successful person' than I first thought. This wedding shoot is a step in the direction I want to be heading. Normally I would have never taken the job. Worrying too much about things that could possibly go wrong, instead of thinking about what is possible in the future. And if I've learned anything in the past few years, it's that most things seem scary, untill you DO them. After you break through initially, it doesent seem like such a moutain to climb anymore. I watched that short film that Rob and Chris put together, and it reminded me that people are still making beautiful things all around the world. People who are much busier than I am, are making time to do great work. i have the tools, I'm pretty sure I have the creative mind (somedays i really doubt it) I just fell like I'm a step away from greatness.

One last thing, the coupling of this whole 'Mayan calendar ending in 2012' thing, the themes on the new Nine Inch Nails album, and the intense storyline of 'Children of Men' I've really started wondering how close the end of the world really is. And how gruesome it will be. If the 2012 Olympics logo was any indication, it's gonna be . . . gross.

Count Chocula does not contain blood

2007-05-20T12:24:39-07:00

I missed two photos today. I was walking to school and I saw this girl walking on the path towards me. She had a green coat on, and the leaves on the trees and the grass made for a great scene. I walked right through the picture and didnt ask her to stop for a photo. Later, I was in the library, and saw a girl sitting across from me, on the other side of the study cubicles. She had her laptop plugged in, and her sandals were on the floor under her crossed legs. It would have been a cool shot of her feet, under the desk. But I didnt take it. She left.

I can shoot pictures of scenes, places, and objects. I understand that one needs to know how to 'see' before they can take these shots efectively. But those are still easy. I thik the next thing I need to start doing with my photography, is taking shots of people. This has already proven to be much more of a challenge. Some of the greatest pictures ever taken, are of people doing ordinary things. That's life, captured on film. That's good photography. I mean, objects, yeah, anyone can shoot that. Use proper positioning, and sensible cropping, and you're set. But shooting people, capturing moments of human interaction. That's where the greatest photography lies. Now I just have to do it.

All and the same

2007-05-17T01:49:25-07:00

I was at work the other day, and I decided to put on some tunes. I went into the shared network folder to rummage through my co-workers mp3 collection. After browsing for a while I came upon Eve 6 Horrorscope. Remembering high school, a time when my music tastes were far from matured, I decided to put it on. Listening to the album again, after not hearing it for years, I realized something profound. I vividly remembered (as I usually do when I listen to old music) events from the past. Feelings and situations that went on in highschool. I realized that this kind of music, really caters to teenagers, especially in the way that it captures what it's like to be that age.

Now when I was in highschool, this whole emo thing was non existent. At least I didn't know about it. Recently (within the last few years) I've noticed an increase in guys flat ironing their hair, squeezing into skin tight black jeans, and wearing more makeup than my wife. These teenagers, as I've been told, are emo. I'm not sure anyone really knows what it means to be emo. Or if it even means anything. All I know is that there's another stereotype that kids are fitting into. Chalk it up there with the jock, nerd, skid, G-unit, etc. hooray. We bring to you, the 'emotionally hardcore'. [In english, I think that translates to over-emotional, but whatever]

I find it funny how this stuff happens, especially with teenagers, tyring to 'find themselves'. It's funny to see happen cos I remember it happening to me. Although I didn't buy a Fallout boy album and start painting my nails black, I did start attending a youth group. Thinking back I'm not sure if the things I experienced in that circle were entirely what they seemed. I mean it was definitely the least harmless of the 'dealing with teenage angst' routes to take, but as safe as it was, it was the same as the others.

That age is interesting because it seems like kids are so easily influenced that it's kind of ridiculous. I mean if a kid starts on a path, they're probably going to give it all they've got. I know that I definitely did. I went to church on Sundays, played on the worship band at youth group, went to bible studies, everything. And i'm glad that I learned the things I did at that time. But as 'right' as I thought I was in that choice, and as far removed as I thought I was from the teenage drama; hearing that album the other day, really reminded me of all the stuff that went on back in the day, and how I was just as emotionally supercharged, as any teenager was.

Thank God my confusion and angst was channeled through somewhat of a silencer. I didn't make things harder for myself by becoming a criminal, or getting addicted to drugs, instead I preached the gospel to random strangers at the drop of a hat. Although I now understand how uninviting and or annoying as that can be for your average humanoid, at least it's not criminal.

With all that time spent with the church, I still made time for music. Which wasn't restricted to purely Christian focused ideals, much to the dismay of my pious peers. I never could get myself to change the music I listened to, I love all of it too much. Now these albums that everyone in high school were listening to were popular for a reason. Like I said earlier, the music IS being a teenage kid. The melodies, the lyrics, everything about it. It just caters to that demographic. And I think, no matter what you were doing at that point in your life, who or what you were listening to, we were all emo. We were all confused over-emotional kids, trying to have fun, and be cool, and get laid, by any and all means possible. Everyone around was alot more emotionally volatile, in touch with their feelings, whether that lead them to violence, or depression or what ever. Funny. Now I'm a bit older, and on my way to becoming a numb adult. Void of emotion. Hooray. I think that this new stereotype just might be the sum of all of the others.

My baby's not december

2007-04-30T23:17:09-07:00

Charles moved some of his stuff in today. A couple couches, and supplies. He's gonna be living upstairs finally. Now instead of a two hour drive to visit, it's a thirty second 'do-the-robot' to his door. He already has a job and is ready to go, everythings going according to plan. My new job is going well also. It's going to be a good summer. I'm working on some prints for my portfolio, but it's alot slower when I don't have sixteen hours a day to do it. It's nice to be out of school and actually working, but I miss that routine a bit. Once woomp is operating properly again, I'll put up some of the desert photos that I took a few weeks ago with mark, liz and charles. For now, I have more sketching to do.

Red, all green

2007-04-09T09:21:19-07:00

Walking home yesterday, there was one point when I was the only person in the hallway. This doesen't happen often, but when it does it's weird. Especially when it happens in the middle of the day. You could be in a store, or on the street, but for a breif second it feels like you're the only person in the world. You can't see any other sign of life, it's like everyone else just disappeared. I started to imagine what it would be like. I could go drive anywhere, do anything, the streets deserted, no sign of life;. Everything left as it was. Cars parked neatly in their garages, as though nobody got up that morning. Traffic lights still blinking. Directing traffic that wasn't there. Bunisses open for the day of business that would never happen. Everything, everywhere ready to go. Nobody to use it. I could travel to the coast, filling up my car for free at gas stations along the way. Eat at the most expensive restaurants. Although I'd have to cook myself. Explore places that I've never been, places I'd never get to otherwise. Every door unlocked, every window open.

As fun as it would be, I think that the novelty would wear off quickly. After a bit I would become terrified. I'd frantically search the houses and streets for any form of life. Finding nothing. I find that scenes like this happen in peoples dreams in movies. Maybe that's where I got the idea from.

Tomorrow comes today

2007-03-31T18:30:14-07:00

Like I've probably mentioned before, music puts me back in time, back in places I've been before. Times when life was better, or worse, in a region more or less beautiful. When I was in 100 mile, taking an extra year of studies (grade thirteen as it were) I spent alot of time with Matt and Chuck. MAtt and I would take double free blocks to go to Williams lake and blow money on rediculous stuff. Tear down the highway in his pieced together mustang. Listening to music through a jimmy-rigged discman, routed through battery operated pc speakers. Another time in my life that I was so happy it was kind of rediculous. Not to say I'm miserable now. I'm far from it. But back then it was real wicked. The soundtrack to these roadtrips frequently included Fatboy Slim, Alien Ant Farm, Counting Crows and Gorillaz. Matt was into alot of that punk-ish stuff, so the odd Sum-41 album would sneak its way into the mix. Charles came on quite a few of those trips, we'd buy junkfood inclusive of passion flakies, Mc Donalds (which we didnt have in 100 Mile) and huge amounts of candy.

Today I put in the first Gorillaz album. Lately I've been listening the hell out of Demon-Days And Mark brought it to my attention that I'd almost completely forgotten about the genius that is their debut album. When the first track started to play, I was in a state. Coupled with the wide open screen door, the warm summer breeze, (yes, for myself summer begins as soon as the snow is gone) and the satisfaction of my current design project, I felt fantastic. As much as I'd reccommend that other people buy this album, I realize that it's not neccesarily the album itself that causes this. It's the memories associated with it. Now I know that I'm not the only person who this happens to. I know of lots of people who get goosebumps from certain bands, or kinds of music. For me the feeling that I get (al though I lack the experiences to prove it, thank God) is far better than the high from any drug you could ever get. It's entirely cohesive, you don't need to get fucked up to feel it. You're just there, wherever, and it hits you. And even better it happens when I least expect it. I could be having the worst day ever, and I turn on an album, and my entire outlook is switched around. As usual I wish that I could allow everyone to have this feeling, especially if you never have before. It's times like these that I wish I could ctrl-s life, and use it whenever I want. Then again, having something like this readily available devalues it in the end.

Overcompensating for this mild manner

2007-03-30T03:52:54-07:00

I'm hesitant to sign up for a facebook account, because I'm pretty sure its the number one victim finding tool for axe murderers. Just putting it out there.

The other day I drove down to the school, with the honest intentions of doing work. I got to the parking lot, and decided to finish listening to the Radiohead song that was on. I listened to like four more of them. After this, I turned off the music, and since my carseat was already reclined, I fell asleep. For an hour. When I woke up, I realized that I was going to get no work done that evening, and went straight home. I ended up watching the first half-hour of a rediculous Jim Henson movie that steve brought over. Puppets suck. Luckily the dvd crapped out, so I went up to Mark's to watch a different movie.

This morning, Mark gave me a call to tell me "I'm gonna be there in like thirty seconds". Got a ride to school. I decided this morning that I don't have to get dressed to operate in public, and I went to school in sweat pants and an old hoodie. Many a sideways glance was received. (I think one day I want to be known as the guy who wore a white tuxedo jacket to work every day for a year.) When I got home Liz told me that her mom was coming into ye olde towne. I make lunch, and they go shopping. After an unsatisfying meal, I walk back to school. Work on some CSS homework, and fiddle with an illustration I'm putting together for my final print project. After a couple hours of working in the lab (and wolfing down the pizza that Carl. O ordered to the lab) Mark and I come to my house. It's empty. The message on the phone informs me that my wife has been taken to 100 Mile by her mother and that she will return tomorrow. Geez. Meanwhile, my pc freezes, mark gets pissed off, and goes home, then calls me twenty minutes later to watch movies. It's 3.25AM. After a mean shift of Super Troopers, the Girl Next Door (both pretty typical) a pepsi, large slurpee (also pepsi flavored) and a twiz bar, I'm back at home, shaking from sugar intake, and lack of sleep. Write some music, go to bed, do it again tomorrow.

--it's better to fall asleep in your car when its off, Instead of waking up to a dying engine, walking home, and getting a parking ticket in the morning.

Part two: two meetings, two pizzas, too two.

2007-03-27T15:48:16-07:00

I am asleep. Sleeping. Which is usually the case when you're asleep. Unless you're a liar. The phone rings. I get up to answer it, and i mess the call. My sister, who was already up says "It was the design place but I didn't want to tell them you were sleeping" (it's 8:00AM). I called them back. Waited on hold, then talked to none other than Da boss. He invites me out to lunch, his dime. I agree, and we decide on 12:00 noon. A popular time of day for this 'lunch' event I've noticed.

I head down to school and go to class, learn a bit about special characters and how to use them in typography. I leave a bit early to get home and change my shoes. changed shoes, Played guitar. Walk-no, drive over to Earls. I went in to see if he'd already arrived. After explaining that I was looking for someone, the hostess scurried along behind me while I looked around the place. No dice. She asks me if I'd like to grab a seat now. I waited outside. I was early anyway. Noon rolls around, I go inside and get a table for two. I'm slightly concerned, first of all because I worry about everything, second is because theres a guy sitting alone across the room, who has the same hair color as my 'date', and looks like he's waiting for someone.

A few minutes later he shows up, with the other dude from the office. We get a table for three, as not to exclude anyone. The chit and the chat commence, the waitress comes by and we order. Boss#2 orders the same pizza that I planned on ordering, however I stuck to my guns and went ahead with my plan. The conversation travelled smoothly along the topics of graphic design, philosophy, and human nature. I ate my delicious pizza, and enjoyed the atmosphere. Da Boss explained to me his concerns about hiring someone who is going back to school in September (they're busiest time of year). I informed him that the reason I wanted to find a job so quickly after my first year, was so that by the time graduation rolls around like a volleyball, I'm ready to return to work, with some experience under my belt. instead of coming out of school with no job, no experience and loans to pay.

Anyway, he understands my position, and I understand his. I was again thanked for my time-slash-company, and he said that he'd give me a call after he thought about it for a while. I shook hands, said goodbye, and headed for the door. I forgot to mention that after the meal, boss#2 thanked Da Boss for lunch. However I did not. I decided to thank him later on in the story of lunch. On my way to the door I thought about that damn cappuccino cup, and how it no longer seemed like a problem. Then I realized that I didn't thank him at ALL for lunch. I was already outside by then, turned around to see the two of them in the foyer, and then Da Boss went back to the table to grab the credit card he'd left on the table. I walked back in, and loitered with boss#2 for exactly thirty-seven seconds, and Da Boss returned. We walked outside, and I let him know that I'd be calling him next week if i didn't hear from him. He commended me on my initiative. "Thanks a lot for lunch" I said. "Not a problem at all". Again I said goodbye and headed to my car.

Coffee cup issue now resolved, lunch eaten and gratitude displayed. Right on. I drove home. It's summertime, and for the time being things look good. Whether or not the phone call ever comes.

Calm like a balm.

2007-03-26T22:15:27-07:00

I spent Saturday collecting some work that I had on my PC, and mounting it into a portfolio. Not as impressive as my hand made book idea, but unfortunately time did not permit. I got to sleep last night at like two. I set my alarm for six. I got up and finished typing up the cover letter, Put on a suit, and went to the printers. Twenty minutes later, portfolio, and resume in hand, I drove to the office. I don't know why this happens, and I'm sure it's most people, not just me. I started to get nervous. Why? There was really no reason to be nervous. Seeing as this wasn't even an interview, I was just going to drop this stuff off and hopefully shake a few hands, collect a business card etc. Anyway, I go inside and see a gentleman heading downstairs. There's a short flight of stairs heading up, and one heading down, I begin to go upstairs, then I turn around and ask the man where the place is. He kindly redirects my walkings. He takes me to a room where someone is standing with one hand in their pocket, making a cappuccino. Introduces me, and then goes on his way. It is at this point that I am offered a delicious frothy caffinated beverage. I accept. Much to my surprise, this man (who I would later learn to be Da Boss) is not only happy to take a look at my portfolio, he has time for an interview. well lucky me, I'd much rather get down to business right now rather than wait a week for a not phone call. He excuses himself to takeoff down the hall for a minute. I turn around and begin perusing the DVD cases on the wall. Completed projects and training videos they've put together, neat. He swiftly returns and introduces me to another kind man, who looked only a few years older than myself, and we headed down the hall to the meeting room. By this time I'm getting pretty excited. I tend not to get excited about the things I'm supposed to, but I was excited about this. We sit down in the meeting room, and the young guy sits across from me with his notepad and pen. They take a look at my portfolio, and Da Boss asks some questions. I managed to sip my frothy beverage, and maintain my composure. I mean, in any other situation, I wouldn't be nervous, but just the fact that this is a job interview makes it an entire different scene. We finished our little talky, and head back to the main room where Da Boss showed me some work that had been completed by the team there. After he finished, I asked for a card, shook his hand for the third time, (as well as the other dude) and went on my way. Now I knew that I needed to go up some stairs, but I didn't know where they were located. So I asked the nearest human, and he was kind enough to show me. I left the building feeling glad.They had told me that they would give me a call once they made their decision. He "Da Boss" (yes I know his actual name but this is more fun) seemed impressed, said something about me being 'beyond my years' which I can only assume means that i present myself well for someone who is only 23. They thanked me for not including any schoolwork in my portfolio, and said they got a pretty good feel for my skill level. Suite. I got into my car, pulled out of the parking lot, and onto the road. I drive home, changed out of my suit, and into my normal, unimpressive plain, 'don't pay attention to me, I am just another normal human' clothes, and headed back to school. On the walk back to school I realized that I left the vessel for my frothy beverage, in the meeting room. "Oh dear", I thought, I hope that they aren't huddled around it right now discussing how rude I am. How they don't hire slobs, and that if that kid can't even have the decency to pick up his mug and put it back in the sink after enjoying a tasty hot bevvy, then he must be an idiot. I thought about this for a while, and decided that if one empty coffee cup is enough to sway some ones idea of whether or not to hire me, then I'll have to get a job somewhere else. I just thought it was funny how closely scrutinized my every movement was. How when people do something like a job interview, they want to seem perfect, and awesome, and perfectly awesome. Which none of us are. It's a shame I can't go into those situations as relaxed as if I'm going to my friends house to drink a couple beers. Time and a place I guess. On to the next thing to worry about, the phone call.

Is this the rope you'd like to hang yourself with?

2007-02-15T12:38:53-07:00

Today at 3.30PM it is officially reading break. I have several big projects that I need to finish. It has been my plan since the beginning of the semester to complete all of these projects during this week. Realistically, it's my last chance to get them done. After this week, it's downhill to summer, and I'll have little time to dedicate. Last night, walking home from school, I was reminded of a scene from the book-turned-film, Fight Club, Written by Chuck Palahniuk. I found myself giving a pep talk to the only audience within earshot. Me. During this breif digression into schizophrenia, I reminded myself of many things. I will share them with you now. In the movie, Tyler Durden walks into a convenience store with a gun, and exits out the back with the store's only employee. A Mr. Raymond Hassel. He drops Raymond to his knees and announces
"Raymond, you're going to die"
Tyler pulls a college I.D. from Raymond's wallet, and asks him what he studied. Scared and stuttering the man responds, "Stuff"
"Stuff? Were the midterms hard?" Tyler smacks him on the back of the head with the barrel of the gun. "I asked you what you studied"
"Biology mostly" he answers crying
"Why?"
"I don't know"
"What did you want to be, Raymond K Hassel?" The man is sobbing and Tyler cocks the gun.
"The question, Raymond, is what did you want to be?"
"Veterinarian, veterinarian"
"Animals! That means you've got to get more schooling."
"Too much school"
"Would you rather be dead?"
"No please"
After this Tyler tucks the gun into his jeans, "IÃ¢â¬â¢m keeping your license. IÃ¢â¬â¢m gonna check in on you. I know where you live. If youÃ¢â¬â¢re not on your way to becoming a veterinarian in six weeks, youÃ¢â¬â¢re going to be dead. Run on."
I've always remembered this part of the story. I find it inspiring. I don't think that we should need someone to threaten our lives in order to accomplish our goals. Personally, I have it easy. Despite the fact that we live in a place that provides us with an abundance of possibilities each day, we still find it hard at times to do what we have to. What we need to. If I'm unable to get this small amount work done this weekend, If I am unable to complete what I said I would. It's going to start a ripple effect that will impact several other aspects of my life. If I can not simply do this, I don't have what it takes to take on this career that I claim to want so badly. If I cannot get this done, nobody can. I am the only person I know who is capable of accomplishing the things that I have in mind. If this is too much for me, I may as well put a hat and a nametag on, and start cooking fries for people, because I will have proven that I cannot handle this. I realize that this semester is a small step, but it's an important one. So I'm putting alot of emphasis on it. I will complete all I've set out to do this week, this semester, and I will hold myself accountable. Because If I don't, I may as well be dead. I'll see you in a week.
++++++++++++

Breakdance, the fistfull.

2007-02-09T12:57:32-07:00

Alarm. 7.00 AM. School starts in an hour and a half. Hit the snooze button. Alarm. 7.09 AM.
Thought: why is my snooze set to a stupid random number like nine minutes? It would make
a lot more sense if it was ten. Fifteen even. Aside from allotting me more sleep per snooze
button activation. . . these thoughts are just a little too intense for this early in the morning. Snooze x 4.Alarm. Approx 7.45 AM. Get up. Brush teeth. Grab cereal. Sit at computer. browse cpluv. Get dressed. Out the door by 8.02. This is how it goes. Every day. Minus Fridays and weekends. But this morning was a little different 'cos I decided to grab my discman before I left. Yeah, discman. Those devices designed to play compact discs. (It stands for circular disc if you ask Richard) These thin pieces of machinery equipped with a laser that read information off of the cd. Those ones. The ones that were actually larger than their predecessor, the walkman, and would skip four tracks if you even moved them. The ones that are five times the size of an iPod nano and hold a maximum of 80 minutes of music. Yeah, one of those. I heaved it into my bag with several cd's. Now when I was in highschool, and in fine arts school this was a normal practice. Lately however, I haven't been listening to much music throughout the day. Probably has something to do with the fact that I do not own an mp3 player. (My last two shuffles crapped out on me, so I took them back and got a scanner.) I walked out of my apartment, and started heading to school. There's something strange that happens when you're listening to the perfect music for the moment. I's kinda like that car commercial where everyone is moving to the beat of the music inside the car. But this overwhelming feeling of happiness came over me. Everything was perfect in that moment. And I walked to school with the biggest grin on my face just...happy. For no real reason at all. In fact, as bulky and out of date as it is, that discman has provided me with years of listening. I remember being out on the playing field outside my high school. It was early September, and I was throwing around a frisbee with Gary. The way the sun was coming through the clouds made it feel like it was setting. But it was early in the morning before school. I remember the sky being full of clouds that were breaking apart, letting the sun filter through in spots. Purple dark clouds, and the bright yellow morning sunlight. I was listening to some sort of electronica album. It very could have been Paul Oakenfold-Tranceport. Maybe Tiesto. I don't remember, but That fifteen minutes of that morning was just awesome. I think It was my grade twelve year. I was thinking at the time that It was all 'just happening again.' Like I was used to this 'coming back from summer.' It was just part of the routine. I was stoked for the coming year and enjoying time with all the people I loved so much. That morning was really fantastic. And for that reason I've never forgotten it. I just find It interesting that It's marked with music. That's how I remember it. Music just has that power to put me in that mood, in that mindset where everything just works. All else melts away, and your left living this scene from a movie that plays out exactly as you want it. You're the center. You're the main character and everything happening around you is planned, deliberate.

resonate

2007-01-13T01:49:02-07:00

Everything is a version of something else. What colors haven't been used? What shapes have never been seen? What ideas have not yet been born? How is it that so much of what I create looks like a dofferent arrangement of something else. Nothing is new. It feels like there's nothing left to do. Yet I turn around and someone else has come up with an idea that I didnt have. an idea that I DIDN'T come up with. Why everyone else? Where did that spring of creativity go? It used to spread for miles. I used to jump in and lose myself far below the breaking of its waves. I used to drown in it daily. At least I thought I did. I'm searching for something new. Something important, something that will make others say "why didn't I think of that?" instead of the other way around.not enough, too much, not enough, too much, not enough. Not yet anyway.

Steadtler was an idiot-or-Thank you for using Helvetica

2006-12-19T05:35:30-07:00

I don't know why the bands that I mention in these posts aren't actually the bands that I LOVE. They're just bands that I listen to. SOME of which I'm not too proud of. But everybody has they're vices. Cracks in the facade of an immaculate music collection, if I can say that. When someone asks me what kind of music I listen to, [taking into consideration that listening to indie rock bands that nobody has ever heard of makes me seem cooler than I actually am. This is important]. I often reply with a list of totally obscure artists. Usually A. the bands that have the weirdest names, [for example mentioning Ted Leo and the Pharmacists usually makes me feel pretty awesome about myself] and B. Any band that said person probably hasn't heard of. [I usually don't mention the White stripes, and I'll tell you why. Even though they kick ass, they're too well known by the general populace to make me seem original in my music selection. I'll usually opt for the Mars Volta or The Shins in this situation]. HOWEVER [and I'm gesturing with my hands when I say that] these bands that I listen to, although I am quite aware of they're so-called flaws, I still buy they're albums. There aren't many of these bands in my collection. But yes, there are a few less flattering areas of my otherwise immaculate index. Tonight I was falling asleep listening to the first Audioslave album [which, if you're going to purchase any Audioslave album, is the best one]. And I was thinking about the different types of music there are, and the timeframe in which they occur. I'll take a moment to announce that I wasn't exactly falling asleep to the album. I had a dirt nap earlier, and I was actually lying wide awake in bed just listening to it. I'm not sure which time-zone I've somehow attuned myself to, but it's the wrong one. Here and now, in 2006We obviously have the music of today, as well as all of the music of the past. We don't know what's going to happen in the future, cos It isn't here yet, obviously. So that doesent worry us. But thinking about this, I decided that I'm glad that I'm here, existing in this timeframe where I have at my fingertips everything from Cat Stevens to Alien Ant Farm. I find It kinda weird to think that there was a time before your favorite band here existed. And NOW, having all of their cd's, and enjoying their music so much, it seems strange to have lived without it. Yes all of my posts are sprawling digressions, just like this one. If I've lost you already, please, dont waste any more of your time, move along.
I'm the same way with people I meet. When I meet a new person, and I get to know them, I have a hard time thinking back to a point in my life when I didn't know them. I just don't remember how it was. It just seems so normal to know this person, that as far as I'm concerned, I always have.

Maybe I tie music in so tightly into my life that it's it's going to my head. But I'm really happy to be able to enjoy all of the great music that's around right now. As well as all of the music of the past. Not to mention I'm a filesharing whore, just like everybody else. So new music is always in my ear. All in all I guess I'm just glad to be not only here, but now. Not only am I thankful to exist in this time and place with great art and music, I'm glad to be here in the same point in history as all of the wonderful people I know. as much as I would've liked to have had a sit-down with Andy Kaufman.

Eccentricities overlooked, updated, and enlarged.

2006-11-28T13:50:12-07:00

I think that I just bombed a test. A test for my design course. This test was on Illustrator and Photoshop processes and shortcuts. Constructed to make me more efficient with my desktop publishing. I'm not good at memorizing lots of information, I never have been. I can make the program do what I want it to, but I couldn't write down the steps I took to get there. Anyway, I didnt look at my mark. I wrote the test, and came home. If I did well, great. If I did poorly, I'll never know. I'm trying as hard as I can, and the only thing that the knowledge of a bad mark will do is stress me out. And if I'm already giving it all I've got, then there's no room for improvement. Not like I can say, "I'll try harder next time", if it's not good enough this time around, at least I'll know that I gave all that I had. After school, I had a few things I needed to pick up. I went to the store and pulled through a parking spot. You know those spots where the stall in front of you is empty so you just pull all the way through? (I wonder if theres a cool British word for that, there's usually a cool British word for everything). Anyway, some dude pulls up outta nowhere and gave me a look like I just took his spot, so he swore and ripped off in his vanny van. I waved him in, suggesting that I 's be more than happy to reverse and give him the spot. But he didnt seem interested, judjing by the speed at which he fled. sigh. I went on into the store and purshased some wintery items. If I can say that. Wintery items. Gloves, christmas lights, etc. I headed down the street to my apartment, remembering that the parking lot was supposed to be plowed today. I slowed down to take a look, and see if it was still in the process, or if I could return to my spot. It didn't look promising, so I continued down the road to turn my car around. While I had slowed down, a man in a station wagon had come up behind me. I drove down the street, which is in a school zone, at a reasonable speed, taking into consideration the school kids walking around, and the slippery compact snow on the road. This person, following closely behind me, pulls out and tears past me. Keep in mind that this on a residential street, in a school zone. I reached the cul de sac at the end of the street, turned around, and decided to try my parking lot. It was plowed. I came home, got into my sweatpants and put on some Sufjan Stevens. Now I'm going to play guitar for a bit and hang out with Charles.
It seems to me that we go through every day, work, school, whatever, to come home and relax. To come home and be with our friends and family. We deal with rude people all day long, just so that we can get back home again. The people who lock themselves up in their homes, and play Warcraft, eating king dons and drinking pepsi, almost have the right idea. I can understand why those people try so hard to stay away from the rest of humanity. Because dealing with the general populace can be exhausting. These people obviously take it to an extreme, but sometimes I think they can be easily justified in that decision. I really don't know why people are in such a hurry these days, I understand that people have businesses to run and schedules to keep, but it seems like everyone is just so uptight lately. I was saying to a friend of mine the other day about how everyone knows what traits make up a generally unpleasant person. Seeing as we all know how we don't want to be treated, why do so many of us act this way. However, there are many truly kind people in the world. There are relationships worth having. These relationships are so valuable, that they overshadow the dissapointments. It's like searching for something valuable, buried under piles of garbage. Not to demean the average human condition, but honestly, don't tell me you can't relate to this. Finding a really cool person and becoming friends with them very seldom happens. Good friendships and real relationships are hard to come by these days. When you do find one, it's like finding an oasis in the middle of the desert. A good friendship, makes dealing with all of the jerks, kinda worth it. I saw a friend of mine in the school the other day. This guy I know from the town I grew up in. I dont see him too often, but he lives in town here. It was kinda funny, but I was scanning the university lounge, just to see if anyone I knew was there, and through this sea of paople, I saw a familiar face. It's funny because it was just ..refreshing to see someone I knew. Not even someone who I knew, but someone I knew well. One of my closest friends.And in a place where there's so many people who are just..scenery. People you dont know, people who are just about their own business. Anyway, I went over and talked to him for a bit, but just those few minutes really changed the course of my whole day. In a town where I see alot of people in a day, and I don't know many of the ones I see, it's nice to talk to a friend once in a while. It helps me remember that the scowling faces, and the impatience all around me isn't really all that...real. What's real are the relationships that have stood the test of time and the people who are willing to invest that time. Thank you to all of you who have proven to me that your friendship is worth more than gold. You all know who you are, let it be known that I hold you in such high regard, that you may never actually know the extent of it.

Wishlist 2006

2006-11-25T16:42:17-07:00

This could be the best idea I've ever had

1. A typography book written by Paul Felton and Jonathan Barnbrook
The Ten Commandments of Typography

2. A book about the graphic design industry by Carl McCormack
Designers are wankers

I will update this list. Because I am greedy. Thank you.

..and that red-head girl that smells like ketchup

2006-11-25T16:00:07-07:00

My hands are shaking from lack of sleep, It's freezing cold outside, but the fact that the grass-to-snow ratio is sitting at 10/1 really makes the tempurature seem insignificant. There's still hope, that I may get a green Christmas. As much as I'd love to go home and fall asleep, I've got seven hours left in this shift of dealing with screaming angry americans, and a take home essay to write; "desonstruction of seven graphical posters". All in, today has been great, and work is happening properly. Lot's of green time on the phones, around five minutes between calls. So I have time to study for my test this week on Photoshop and Illustrator functions, processes, and shortcuts. When I think about it, I have never really enjoyed any job that I've had, save the first eight months. After that it's downhill. However I enjoy studying for school, and staying up untill 4:AM if I'm working on a poster that's due for class. I hope that when I get to this place called 'acheived graphic designer', that I enjoy it. I really do. I've been chasing this for a few years now,and It'd be a shame to get there and realize that it's just another job that I can't stand. I do realize that working at a design firm and starting out cleaning toilets could very well be one of the steps I'll need to take on my way to the top. But I hope that the diversions from my job description (A)don't last long (B)actually do build charachter, and aid in forming an appreciation for the position I will one day acheive. I'm renaming this post, Exhaustively composed digressions of young manhood. - Tales of events, after the fact.

Wow.

Thank you for reading.

Why didn't they make this a toggle switch?

2006-11-23T00:49:46-07:00

In highschool when a teacher couldn't get to class, there would be a substitute teacher waiting for you. Someone who had absolutely no authority over the class. Someone who students would be rude to, talk over, throw paper at, and ignore. Someone who's job was to try and teach a course that they may, or may not have any idea about. So really a substitute teacher was a lame excuse to not show up for class that day. Because when the real teacher asked you about it the next day, you could always say that the sub was an idiot, and he/she must have missed you on the attendance list. It's a lame excuse, but I mean, If you had your work done anyway, the teacher usually didn't care. And it's highschool, so it wasn't important right? Well that's what we thought. But In University, when a teacher can't make it to class, class is...canceled. Nobody else shows up and tries to teach the material, instead there's just no class that day, and you end up coming in on Christmas morning or something to make up the class. That's all fine and good. But what does that say about highschool? Does that mean that the courses really are brainless? Does that mean that anyone can really teach the courses because they're just read straight out of textbooks anyway? I think so. I mean there are some courses that I could argue for. Some courses where my teachers actually knew something that was outside of the bounds of the textbook lesson. Something else that was worth hearing. But not many. Not to discredit their jobs, or their integrity. My teachers were great. All of them. Except for the ones who were racist, rude, or just belligerent assholes, you know who you are, and I'm sure you don't care. Teachers have important jobs. They teach us the things that we need to know, in order to move on with our lives, and seek out higher education. Even if all they're doing is reading from textbooks, and having us do the recommended exercises. If there are any teachers reading this, highschool or otherwise, I may be getting some nasty comments explaining how hard it is to be a teacher, telling of all the horror stories, and the hard work that it is. Not to mention pointing out all the grammatical mistakes in my post. I could be wrong, its just my observation. and I've been wrong before. Many many times before. I may be overlooking a lot of major facts here. But I really don't think I learned anything [except for the fundamental reading and writing that was nicely taken care of by the time I was twelve] until I got to college. Maybe the reason I feel that way is because in college you're actually doing something you want to do, not something you have to.
Which reminds me, I needed to long-divide something the other day, and I think that if it had been a life or death situation, I would have said a final prayer, and received the bullet readily.

Good thing I can draw like a Michael-freaking-angelo.

Sarcasm, I remember rocking that class.

Read this don't read this don't

2006-11-21T20:18:51-07:00

I'm pretty cool. Not to toot my own proverbial horn, but I rock. However, there are many other cool people in the world. [although I've had trouble finding them as of late]. Me and a friend were watching a music dvd the other day, and It occurred to me, Dave Grohl, could be one of the coolest people in the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Foo Fighters fan. But I've sense enough to know that they kick ass. I just don't like their music. But think about this for a second, Dave Grohl, used to be the drummer for Nirvana, [another band I can't stand, but perhaps I just havent listened to them enough to grow an appreciation for them. I put one of their cd's in once every few months, listen to it for twenty minutes, and then become irritated and put on someting else.] Anyway, drummer for nirvana, drummer for Queens of the Stone Age, [for a while anyway] and lead singer of the Foo Fighters. I mean, imagine being Dave Grohl. You could just walk around, knowing that you're the coolest guy. Walk into a place and get a date like nothin. But not even that, you could just go places, and know that everyone around was wishing they were you. Wishing they could be as cool as you were for one day. The guy rocks out man! He just.. I can't put it into words. There are others that rock. Other people [they're usually musicians, weird. I guess that there's nothing cooler than being able to rock out, and make people feel good, with the music youre playing, in my eyes anyway] who are in bands that I actually like. [I need to make it clear that Queens of the Stone Age rock hard, there's nothing wrong with them] Like Jack white, of the White Stripes, It'd be cool to be Cedric Bixler-Zavala of the Mars Volta, but not as many people know who he is, or how hard that band rocks. Anyway, I'm getting off track here, the point is that Dave Grohl rocks hard, and I'd like to be him for a day, so that I could walk around and
be
Dave
Grohl
all
day
long

I'm rediculous sometimes, but think about it. You want to do it too.

Scholarly teachings, or 'De Creme' of the 21st century

2006-11-20T12:53:52-07:00

" If I learned from my mistakes, I'd be a brilliant man "
-Nathan Skyers

We learn certain things throughout our lives. Many things, we learn through experience, and mistakes. We learn, for instance, that the guy who works at the pencil store, who says that the eight dollar mechanical pencil, because of it's weight, and shiny metal pieces, is better than the pencils that cost ÃÂ¢0.99, is lying. We learn that not all teachers will warn you when you've only ten minutes to finish your exam. No, some will warn you when there is one minute left. Which, in case ou're wondering, means "There's no way in hell youre gonna finish this test, if you havent already done so. Just thought I'd let you know". We learn that we cannot control the fifteen year old kid in the oncoming lane who is swerving like an asshole, and laughing with his friend cos it's funny. That eating Mc Donalds at any time of day is delicious, and shortly thereafter, for several hours, is disgusting. We learn that this truth is magnified when eating it at midnight. We learn that alarm clocks, as obnoxious as they are at 7:00 AM, serve a valid purpose, and that the silence-shattering reality of time of which they so audibly inform us should be acknowledged accordingly. That the grumpy old man who sells tires at Wal-Mart is better than anyone else [as though having a short temper and a bad attitude is a sign of deity, I think we would all do well to remember this]. We all learn these things. And even though they're not always funny at the moment, I'm glad that I can laugh at them.

What have you learned today?

Doubleyou tee eff.

2006-09-24T19:25:06-07:00

I just saw Busta Rhyme's tour bus parked outside in front of the supermarket.

I'm going to continue with my life, pretending that didn't happen.

The method, to the method, to madness

2006-09-16T17:40:28-07:00

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine about art. I was expressing to her my new found dislike of painting. I really don't care for it anymore. I find it too messy, too time consuming, and overall, unenjoyable. When I see digital paintings like these it becomes harder and harder for me to find reasons to buy a canvas, and set up my easel, vs, grab a coffee, and boot up my pc. Now I know there are many people out there who are devoted to producing art in the original sense. These people will always choose a brush and pallette over a toolbar, and a swatch; a full manual camera and a darkroom, over a digital slr and a printer. I am not one of these people. I can see where these die-hards are coming from, and their viewpoint is justified. I definately don't want to see these art forms lost. They have their place. And if you would rather produce art this way, by all means, go ahead. Some people prefer it one way, some people don't. And let us remember that the fundamentals for any given art form are universal. you NEED the knowledge of how to match colors, use the right colors, and where to place the colors with physical paint, if you're going to paint well with a pc. You need to know what changes in f-stop, or shutter speed are going to do to a photo taken with your full manual camera, because the rules are the same for your digital camera. Anyone who has had the oppertunity to try the classic methods of doing these things is a fortunate person. I think it's important to learn the fundamentals of the craft first, and THEN experiment with different tools. Having tried both methods of painting, digital, and traditional, I feel that I am educated in my decision to discard the latter. My friend proceeded to tell me that her feelings on the subject of painting were opposite mine. She told me that she has been doing alot of painting lately, and she's enjoying it more and more. She then breifly mentioned that she is expressing less and less interest in drawing. What? Hold on a second.. This isn't the preference if a digital media over a traditional art form. This is about discarding the fundamental framework of the creative process. I asked her why, and I remember her saying something along the lines of just not liking it anymore. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but lets say youre beginning a project. Piecing together bits of information to create..say..a logo. What's the first thing you start doing? What's the first thing ANYONE starts doing? Drawing. Personally, when I go directly to my pc, and start trying to piece together a web page, print, logo, anything, and I haven't put anything down in a sketchbook, scrap of paper, or even a napkin, it doesen't go anywhere. I need to draw out some ideas. Flesh out some basic solutions. Put my brain on paper, and build on these basic ideas until I have something I can work with. I've never met anyone who works without preliminary sketches. I told her that if she can manage to do it, thats great. But for me I can't imagine discarding such a fundamental process. Then again, maybe I'm old fashioned.

"Anything that kicks ass, takes effort" -Nathan Skyers

2006-09-16T02:03:49-07:00

Everyone has their sources of inspiration. Some people don't need anything, some people need to go for a walk. Some people need drugs. I don't like to admit that I NEED anything to inspire me. I like to think I'm self inspired, that I pull every idea out of my own head, and only my own head. Who am I kidding right? Every idea is based on a previous idea. It builds like a tree, branches upon branches. Everything is a version of something else. We create and express different products as a result of the things we've seen felt heard -- experienced. So let me re-iterate. WHEN I need inspiration, I usually look at other artwork. Often I find that taking a look at my art history textbook will spark some creative flame in me. Or bring to light some design solution that I hadn't considered until now. Which is strange, cos more often than not, in my ignorance I disregard anything that has not happened within my lifetime as unimportant [you're shaking your head I know, so am I]. Now, listening to music isn't usually a source of inspiration per se. Just something that I do constantly, and an activity I enjoy more than most. But that's a topic for a different day. However, today I rememberd a song that I haven't heard in a while. A song that fires up an ambition in me every time I hear it. The song is called 'Make yourself', it's the title track on an album by the band, Incubus . Most people I know have heard this song. Actually most own the album, pirated or otherwise. Not my favourite band, but I do hold them in high regard. If you haven't heard this song, you need to do yourself a favor and take care of that. I'm not positive what Brandon had in mind when he wrote it, but listening to the song, I think we all have a pretty good idea. Just the idea of crafting your own life really inspires me. I mean abviously everyone DOES this to an extent. Someone wants to be a doctor, someone wants to be a lawyer, someone wants to be a graphic designer. And these people take steps in life to acheive their goals. Some succeed, some don't. It's really a simple notion, nevertheless, I know many people who are unhappy with certain aspects of their lives. When I hear these lyrics, I think of all the good things that people want in their lives. I want to be fit, I want to be funny, I want to be successful, I want to be..happy. Many of these things are within reach for all of us. Obviously theres a quick-fix, for many 'wants' that people have today. Hit up the drive through, on the way to your botox-injection, if you like. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I mean real goals that we want to achieve in life. Does anyone find it interesting hearing these stories about people who have had near-death-experiences? These people [not all of them mind you] turning their lives around, simply because they've realized how short life can be. I often think, what would I be doing differently If I knew I only had another two years to live? What would I try harder at? What would I stop doing? What would I start doing? There are admittedly a few things I still have on the list. But I'm alot more aware of them than I was a couple years ago. This song reminds me to take a look at the design of my life. To make sure that everything is in check, and heading in the right direction. It may remind you of the same, or it may just be another song. As of right now, I'm pretty satisfied with what I've made.

Wipe that smile off your face, lest I beat the hell from you

2006-09-13T18:34:51-07:00

Today, you embarrased me, today you made me small. Today you turned me into an idiot in front of many, many people. By pushing me down, you stepped up. I did not react, I did not flinch. Although I was cool outside, inside I was seething. This fuel I will use to show you, I will use to teach you, what I am made of. I will arrive at the place that everyone said I'd never see. I will move foreward and leave you behind. These things do not lessen me, they fuel my fire, and provide to me the pieces I need to win. No matter what you try to do to stop me I will continue to move foreward, and once you think you've seen it all, I will impress you again. Long after I am gone, I will not look back. You will remember me. You will wonder where I am, and what I am doing now that I'm out of your sight. You will learn that I am bigger than you think. I am bigger than you want to allow. I am more. Thank you for feeding me your garbage. Hello and goodbye.

I'm like a ghost, seldom talked about, and rarely seen

2006-09-08T01:44:24-07:00

Why is it that we always feel the need to do this? I think I'm speaking for everyone and their own awkward situations here when I say this.

A few months ago, I ran into an old friend in the mall here in Kamloops. Now this person, used to be a pretty close friend of mine, so you can imagine my surprise bumping into them. I was just minding my own business, going about my daily doings, and then I'm staring into a face that I havenm't stared into for several years. It's a sobering experience. Anyway, we start talking, doing the whole routine, "how are you? Good how are you, yeah, ok! yea, ok, haha, yeah, awkward pause, forced laughter, blah blah blah" It's exhausting. and every one of you know what I'm talking about here. Here's the best part of this encounter. Every time this scenario befalls one of us, someone ALWAYS ends up saying, "we should do something". Whoa, hold on a second, what did I just say? You have just shot yourself in the foot. You have just entered a world of pain. You have just brought upon yourself a good solid hour of this awkward uncomfortable feeling you're experiencing right now. At this point in the conversation, you'll frantically start searching for a pen, anything to write with. And you dont even write on paper, you always write on your hand, your arm, your neck, somewhere, with whatever you can find, a black magnum felt pen if it's handy. You're clearly not even thinking at this point. All you care about is getting this phone number copied down, so that you can torture yourself later. writing anything else down you'll screw it up. The grocery list you're carrying. The one you made opn your way out the door, you forgot to write down the one thing you came for. But this phone number, you will never EVER screw this up. you could be standing in the middle of a storm. You could be in the center of a battlefield, and you'd still be able to concentrate one-hundred-percent on these seven digits. Now I, like everyone else, did not take the time to think about what was going on at the moment, you just get into this zone. It's like all your reasoning is gone at that moment. And it only ever lasts until the person walks away. Once they leave and you realize that you now have to go out of your way to meet up with this person who you no longer have ANYTHING in common with. You have to continue to pretend to be interested in what they have to say, over a cup of coffee or (heaven forbid) a meal. I did this. Everyone does this, but I did this. and immediately after the whole thing happened, I started thinking about things that I could say on the phone tomorrow, in order to cancel this date with death. I could tell her that I was hit by a car. Maybe I suddenly became extremely ill, and was unable to make it. Anything, at this point in time you'll say anything to dodge this bullet. When it came down to it I simply ended up saying that I was too busy, and that it was too hectic of a schedule for both of us at the time. And again, I tried to ..soften, the blow by saying something along the lines of "maybe some other time". Why do we feel the need to DO this to ourselves. This is constantly happening to me. Now from time to time it's legitimate, and I see someone I want to spend time with, and I do that. Usually though, I run straight into the middle of these situations, unable to stop and think, "hey, do I really want to be doing this? Do I really have anything to say to this person? Or could there be a reason behind the fact that I haven't talked to this person in years. Could there be some sort of intellectual explanation, as to why I haven't called, written, or otherwise tried to contact this person within the last five years? No? Didnt think so, here I go"

* cough *

"Oh Hi! I'm so happy to see you..."

Yourselfâ¢

2006-08-15T11:27:49-07:00

I, like everybody else, would like to dress in a way that says, "I'm completely original, and nobody else is like me, blah blah blah". The only way to achieve this, would be to hand craft all of your clothing, and try your best to make it look like nothing that has ever been seen before. If you try to do this, you will end up looking like that girl in junior high who wore leather cowboy boots all year, and had sequins, and beads on everything she wore. Styles are styles for a reason, they look good. Minus the over enthusiastic G-unit wannabees, with the MC Hammer pants.- So in order to look good, you're usually gonna have to choose a particular style, and dress within the guidelines of that style. Obviously it's not that rigid, I mean people can dress however they want, but for the most part, the majority of people, myself included, dress within what they have dubbed their 'style'. So the majority of us, shop at the same stores, and buy the same kind of clothing, depending on your style. Some people shop at the thrift store, some at the Harley Davidson shop, and others buy Armani. I tend to frequent stores such as Bootlegger, and Thrifty's [yes i know those are pretty much the same store]. Let me add here that the stores people shop at are somewhat dictated by the retail outlets within their area. Now the selection in jeans at these stores is great, jeans are jeans, yeah there's a million fits and styles, but basically if they fit, and the color is ok, great. Jeans are straightforeward. Shirts are not. While visiting these stores, I'm amused to see the various attempts at being witty and original, such as sayings that are put on t-shirts, hats, and in some cases, pants. Kiss me, I'm toasted, drink till she's cute, slogan goes here, I'm big in Japan, the list goes on. I always have a hard time finding shirts at the mall, because everything I pick up either has a logo of some company that I don't want or need to represent, or some corny slogan that everyone else in the mall is wearing. When I do find a plain colored shirt I'll jump on it, and walk out with a good purchase. This doesent happen often. Recently, on a trip to Vancouver, I went clothes shopping. I stumbled upon an American Apparel store. Now I had heard of the brand before, and I knew that they specialized in plain t-shirts, but I did not know that the company had their own stores, dedicated to AA product. I went in and I was presented with a myriad of colors of clothing. Walking down the aisles, I saw every style of clothing you could want. Shirts, long sleeve, shortsleeve, V-neck, underwear, bathing suits, wallets, socks, dresses, shirts, bags, belts, tank tops, they had EVERYTHING. and not a logo, or slogan to be seen. Except for on the simply designed style tags. All done in Arial black font, with a Myspace-caliber photo of someone wearing the clothing displayed. The walls were white with black and white pictures organized in adjacent squares. halogen lighting, and simple aisle organization. I was absolutely amazed. Immediately I began searching through the clothes for t-shirts. In the back of the store near the change rooms I found a small tv, perched in a corner, It looked like ot was from the 70's. It was playing stills of random photography taken around the world. Over the soundsystem i heard Belle and Sebastian, and some other artist that I couldn't place a name to. Within 45 minutes I'd found exactly what i wanted and tried it all on. I walked out $125.00 poorer, but with a good amount of clothing. I'd just been inside the perfect clothing store. The store that I'd imagined shopping at, albeit one that never existed for me until that day. A store that was perfectly laid out, constructed, and managed. Everything about the place was perfect, from the staff working behind the counter, to the atmosphere inside. Out of all the marketing strategies, and clever planning of any other clothing store, which one comes out ahead? The one that provides simple clothing, in plain colors. That's it. Clothes that are just...clothes! Forget what brand I'm wearing, I'm wearing a blue shirt.

If this post is important to anyone who reads it, i'll be surprised. I've never met anyone else who thinks this way about clothing, and brands, besides my wife. For me, this shop was an amazing find. If I could, I'd only shop at AA from now on. Besides of course the jeans that I buy from anywhere, and promptly remove the leather brand patch from the back as soon as I get home. I'm only speaking for myself here but I don't like to be made into a billboard, unless I've created that billboard. So give me my plain clothes, and instead of noticing the company that I buy from, notice my personality. The only part of me that is truly original.