Computerlove™

July 29th, 2007

It's not a big thing.

Sometime I feel like I'm not good at very many things. I go through these seasons where everything I create is lacking, or I'm not creating anything at all. When paired up against other people who really shine in certain areas, I can forget aboout the abilities that I do have, and focus more on the things that I cannot do, in the shadow of what others can. Sometimes. But tonight I realized that there's one other thing I know I'm really good at, even if its something that cannot be translated directly into a career or generate any revenue.
I will share this new found skill with you now.
Tonight Charles and I went on an adventure of sorts. We ventured downtown to Dennys to have some pie (apple pie, with cheddar cheese). Well, he did. I had water. Which, I've heard, has no fat in it. Once he was finished the pie, and 2/3rds through the coffee, he asked me if I wanted to go out to the Verse (a local all night truck stop restaurant) and try their pie. I agreed, being the crazy individual that I am. Before we left Denny's I saw a lady busily operating the "put in a dollar and operate this crane/claw thing to try and win a piece of garbage stuffed animal" machine. From time to time I see a scene like this that makes me cringe. Now I know that there's nothing wrong with these situations, but for some reason they make me feel kinda sick. They make me ask the question "why are there people around the world suffering and dying so that this person can enjoy freedoms such as vending machines, and stuffed animals". "Why do people have to starve somewhere else, so that right here, obesity can thrive"? Anyway This scene, prompted me to begin humming the tune to the song 'North American Scum' which Charles picked up immediately, and nodded. We hopped in the car, and started the drive up to the Verse. On the way, with the music playing (of course we were listening to 'sound of silver' at this point) I was paying close attention to the city lights and the atmosphere that was unfolding. I said that one of the greatest joys of life (as far as I am concerned) is music. I think Chuck mostly agreed. But I don't really know if he meant it as whole heartedly as I did. The stereo was just entering the climax of the song 'someone great' when I saw out the window, dark pine trees moving past the car. There was a rock face just beyond the freeway that was moving by. Streaking earthtone colors in the yellow glow of the freeway lights. Now in all this you're probably wondering what the hell I realized I'm good at. The car pulled to a brief stop at the top of the exit ramp, and I realized, that I'm really very good, at enjoying the small moments of life. I probably enjoy these weird little moments more than anyone I know. In fact I'm pretty sure that these moments usually just pass people by. I'm really good at having a good time in the middle of a totally normal situation. I can just get hit with a feeling of extreme happiness, and everything around me is in such great detail. It's very hard to explain what happens at these exact times. But it can't be captured by a photo, video recorder, audio sample or anything. It can't be captured by anything. I imagine there's a drug that makes you feel the same way for a little while. At the same time eating away at your brain, and not to mention it'll cost you alot more than it costs me. I'm really good at finding something beautiful in a normal flat, uneventful moment. I told you that it's not something tangible, but its those exact times that really make everything worth it.